This might be a familiar scenario. You’ve been doing really well with what you’re eating and drinking. You’ve maybe been more consistent with your attempts to exercise (or, hang that, actually DOING it). But then you eat a whole box of cream cakes (or whatever). You’re not even hungry. You can barely remember doing it. But you did. And now you feel annoyed. And puzzled.
Welcome to the land of self sabotage. From a logical point of you, smart women can’t figure out what just happened. Why would you be getting in your own way and wrecking everything you have been working towards?
There are two sides to diet sabotage. There’s the downside that you feel bad and are putting the brakes on your progress. Then there’s the upside – you’ve something nice to eat that maybe you have denied yourself in a while.
There are many ways you can sabotage your progress (that’s for another post) but what I want to talk about today is when you sabotage without being conscious of wanting something to eat. Without being consciously drawn into the biscuit barrel.
You really need to look at the worst case scenario. One of the very common reasons for sabotaging your diet is fear of failure. You might wonder, ‘what if I have a goal and I fail?’
But worse still (and here’s where I’m going with this), what if you got everything you wanted? What would happen then? What would happen to the YOU you know and love? Would other people hate you?
Go and get yourself a notepad and pen because we’re going to do a little brainstorming exercise to get through this barrier… I’ll wait while you get them…
Write down your weight loss (or other) goalson the paper. For each of the goals on your list, you’ll now want an extra page. Write the goal in the middle of the page and draw a circle around it. Now start to brainstorm all the possible downsides to your goal. Write each point somewhere on that page. You can use lines coming off the central circle if you like. Whatever works. This is just for you, so get it all down. Even if it seems crazy or ridiculous.
You might be thinking that this is a bonkers exercise or wonder how this will make a difference. It will, believe me. It is hugely important and gives you valuable information. Remember that successful weight loss for life is not going to come from willpower alone. The only way through this is to get rid of all the stuff in your head that is holding you back. If part of your brain is telling you that BAD THINGS will happen if you lose weight, what do you think your outcome is going to be?
Let me give you an example. You want to learn to eat more healthily and lose weight. Consider all the unintended negative consequences of that. Your first thought might be ‘there isn’t a downside; that would be great’. Believe me, there is always something…
Dig a little deeper and you might find things like:
· If I commit to eating healthily, I’ll never be able to eat … again. And I would hate that.
· If I eat healthily, I won’t be able to go out for dinner.
· I won’t be invited to dinner parties as people will think I need to eat weird food
· I’ll have to buy new clothes, and that would cost too much money.
· People will treat me differently, and I don’t want that. It will be difficult to know who to trust.
· My husband will hate the new me. He always says he loves my curves.
· My friends might be jealous of my weight loss and talk about me behind my back or exclude me from things we used to do together.
· I’ll miss the cosy nights in front of the TV with my husband and a giant chocolate cake.
· I’ll never be able to lose enough weight, so what’s that point in starting?
· Back handed compliments (like ‘wow, you look so much better’) that insult me will make me miserable.
· What if I start getting obsessed?
It doesn’t matter how crazy it seems, get down EVERY SINGLE downside you can think of. Huge ones, small ones, tiny ones. It doesn’t matter. Some of the things might be unresolved fears from way back.
What else can you write?
Even when you feel you can’t think of anything else, where are always a few more.
You might have a list of 15 to 20 downsides to eating healthily and losing weight. Read over what you have got and chances are, there will be two or three that really hit home.
It will start to dawn on you that YOU are holding yourself back from getting healthy and losing weight because of these fears you have (however crazy). There is part of you that is so scared about changing that you will do anything to keep yourself on familiar ground and stuck. And that is why you are sabotaging your goals.
In writing all this stuff down, there’s a high likelihood that none of it will happen. It also gives you some work to do. Naming your fears isn’t showing weakness. It’s the starting point, and voicing them releases the hold they have on you.
Now, I hear you shout, what the hell do I do about it? For some people, simply recognizing the fears and how crazy some of them are is enough. For most people, you’ll want a helping hand. This is where tapping can be amazingly helpful.
One of the things that can successfully change the inner script you have in your head, or reprogramme thoughts and feelings is tapping, which is sometimes also known as EFT or emotional freedom technique. It combines ancient Chinese acupressure and modern psychology, to improve your health, relationships and level of happiness.
Practising it might seem a bit weird at first. Believe me, it does work.
First you’ll want to see someone doing tapping so you know what you are going to do with the information below.
Just so you now, I am giving you (below) a script written by tapping maestro Brad Yates (taken from his ebook The EFT Wizard’s Big Book of Tapping Scripts – it has scripts for everything and is a snip at about £2 on Amazon - http://amzn.to/2ezMz5U)
Follow this link to find yourself in The Tapping Solution, where Nick and Jessica Orner can lead you through the main tapping points - http://www.thetappingsolution.com/#how-to-do-eft-tapping. Go ahead, it’s free. If you are constantly sabotaging yourself, make a change. What have you got to lose?
EP = eyebrow point
SE = side of eye
CB = collarbone
UE = under the eye
UN = under the nose
UA = under the arm
TH = top of head
I’m Holding Myself Back
SIDE OF THE HAND: Even though I’m holding myself back,
I choose to love and forgive myself.
Even though I’m holding myself back,
I choose to love and accept myself.
Even though I’m holding myself back...
and a lot of the stuff that holds me back
is right there in my back
or in my backside.
There’s all this stuff
holding back the stardust,
and I choose to release those barriers,
those barriers to the real me.
And even though I’ve been holding myself back,
I choose to deeply and completely
love and forgive and accept myself
and anyone else
who’s helped give me reasons to hold myself back.
EYEBROW POINT: All this need to hold myself back.
SIDE OF THE EYE: All this need to hold myself back.
UNDER THE EYE: There’s something inside of me
UNDER THE NOSE: that feels the need
UNDER THE MOUTH: to hold myself back,
COLLARBONE: when the truth is
UNDER THE BREAST: I am stardust.
UNDER THE ARM: I am pure energy.
TOP OF THE HEAD: I am pure light.
EB: Pure light doesn’t carry extra weight.
SE: Pure light doesn’t experience burning pain.
UE: Pure light is radiant well-being.
UN: And if that’s the truth of who I am,
UM: and it is,
CB: why am I holding on to the blocks?
UB: Why am I stuffing that stardust down?
UA: Why am I stuffing myself
TH: with either food or pain?
EB: What is this need to feel burning pain?
SE: What’s going on
UE: with that part of me
UN: that is forsaking well-being
UM: in favor of burning pain?
CB: All this burning pain.
UB: Sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, sometimes spiritual.
UA: I don’t like any of that.
TH: I don’t want this pain.
EB: I choose to release it,
SE: and part of me
UE: isn’t so willing to do so.
UN: If I’m experiencing pain of any kind,
UM: which is not in resonance with my true self,
CB: there must be some part of me
UB: that’s choosing to experience this,
UA: choosing to manufacture this.
TH: Manufacturing the burning pain,
EB: manufacturing the extra weight,
SE: manufacturing any of this stuff
UE: that pushes down the stardust,
UN: that blocks my access to that energy,
UM: that blocks my experience of well-being.
CB: Allowing myself to heal.
UB: Healing all those negative feelings
UA: that feel the need to experience pain.
TH: Allowing myself to heal
EB: at a cellular level.
SE: Clearing this stuff out,
UE: maybe coughing it out.
UN: Just releasing it.
UM: There’s stuff to be released,
CB: and as I release it,
UB: I free up my energy,
UA: all that wonderful energy
TH: that I’ve been denying myself for so long.
EB: I choose to knock that off.
SE: I have deprived myself
UE: of this wonderful energy,
UN: this stardust,
UM: this vibrant well-being
CB: for so long.
UB: I have distracted myself
UA: with weight issues,
TH: with fiery pain
EB: and all kinds of things
SE: that tell me that things are not good.
UE: All these problems.
UN: All this need for problems.
UM: And why do I have that need?
CB: Who told me I should have that?
UB: Was I told
UA: that I come from a long line of people
TH: who have fire in their back?
EB: “That’s just the way it is with our family,
SE: and you get to be part of the family
UE: as long as you experience this pain.
UN: The moment you feel better,
UM: you’re out on your butt.”
CB: I need to feel this
UB: in order to belong,
UA: because so many people are suffering.
TH: Who am I to feel good?
EB: Who am I to experience health?
SE: Who am I to experience vibrant health?
UE: Nope, that wouldn’t be right.
UN: I should feel pain.
UM: I should be overweight,
CB: struggling with my weight like so many other people,
UB: and otherwise blocking my energy.
UA: Because if I didn’t block it...
TH: Oh my goodness!
EB: What would be possible?
SE: What wouldn’t be possible?
UE: And that scares little old me,
UN: especially when I don’t want to be seen.
UM: Much better to hide.
CB: All this need to hide.
UB: And I choose to heal that.
UA: I choose to heal that.
TH: It’s safe to be seen.
EB: It’s safe to be seen.
SE: And that doesn’t mean
UE: that I’m automatically
UN: going to be spread across the newspapers.
UM: I may not become a household name.
CB: I don’t need to,
UB: but I’m expending a lot of energy
UA: trying not to be seen.
TH: And I have better uses for that energy.
EB: Allowing myself to heal.
SE: Allowing my energy to flow freely.
UE: I don’t need to have problems
UN: to keep me safe.
UM: I don’t need problems
CB: to keep me safe.
UB: Releasing the fear that I do.
UA: Releasing it at a cellular level.
TH: Releasing any lessons I was taught about that.
EB: All these lessons of fear.
SE: People telling me I should be afraid,
UE: that I should be worried.
UN: I’m releasing that.
UM: Releasing it from every fiber of my being.
CB: It’s safe to feel really good.
UB: Releasing those things that block that good feeling.
UA: Setting myself free
TH: in body, mind, and spirit.
Take a deep breath, you're done x