No sex drive in menopause? This is what you need to do

Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year when you really feel obliged to be frisky – and feel super-guilty if you don’t. For many midlife women, finding that ‘loving feeling’ is a complicated, and there are so many reasons why you just don’t feel like getting jiggy with it at all.

Having a low sex drive can be the result of side effects of medication, most notably anti-depressants, blood pressure drugs and, ironically, the pill. It’s also linked to chronic medical conditions like cardiovascular disease or diabetes, and relationship problems can play a huge role, and so too can stress. And guess what else?

Perimenopause is a big cause of low libido

But right at the top of the list for many women is hormone imbalance. When your hormones are out of whack, your libido takes a nose-dive. And chief among those hormone excitements are perimenopause. Fact. (And, as a side note, in perimenopause, it’s common for the thyroid to start malfunctioning, too, and that’s my number two reason for feeling like you’d rather Netflix only than ‘Netflix and chill’.

Why have I lost my sex drive?

When your menstrual cycle is fully functioning, the cyclical changes in oestrogen levels mean you have a few revved-up days each month (nature’s way of helping you get pregnant naturally). So most women would expect to be feeling saucy about 14 days before the start of their period under normal circumstances.

For women going through perimenopause aka the ‘transition to menopause’ (about five years or so before actual menopause), levels of oestrogen are unreliable. Ovarian output of the hormone is akin to a spluttering car – high, low, chronically low some months, even at supposed ‘peak’ times. You might ovulate, you might not. You get the picture.

When oestrogen dips, so too does the desire for sex.

Then there's the discomfort that can also come with intercourse at this time. And who wants sex when if feels bad?

If you’re wondering, why does it hurt to have sex in perimenopause, here’s why.

There are a few reasons why sexual intercourse is uncomfortable, and you might want a conversation with your doctor about some of them. I know having a conversation about what’s going on downstairs might mortifying but it could be important.

Pain and bleeding

Always seek medical help and sooner rather than later. Not because it’s necessarily an emergency but to rule out anything ominous. Fibroids are common in midlife (and they often become less problematic after menopause) and is a key cause of bleeding. You can’t feel them and you don’t necessarily have other symptoms. Please, any bleeding, get checked. Don’t Google it – you know what happens when you rely on Dr Google for your diagnosis. Before, long, you’ve got months to live.

Discomfort & tightness

Your vagina is the Thumbelina of body parts. It literally shrinks in perimenopause due to the lack of oestrogen that keeps the tissue plump and juicy. So, if you’re feeling ‘tight’, this is why.

Diet can help with all your symptoms of perimenopause but you might also want to have that uncomfortable doctor conversation. Topical oestrogen (that’s oestrogen-only HRT you apply yourself at home in a very low dose applied via applicator into your vagina) works wonders.

If you don’t want to explore this or it’s not an option, there are loads of lubricants that can help things along – not only during sex, but you can also apply for less discomfort at all times. I like THIS, which you can get from Boots.

Flagging sex drive & your thyroid

Low libido is also a key symptom of thyroid disease. If you have (or suspect you have) an underactive thyroid, this will come as no surprise. Although some people find things start to improve with synthetic thyroid hormone medication prescribed their GP, it continues to be an issue for many women.

Sound familiar? If getting in the mood feels like an uphill struggle, it’s good to know that there are a few steps you can take to support your body with the food you eat.

Here's what to eat to boost your sex drive

Flaxseeds, tofu (and all soy products like edamame, miso and tempeh) along with alfalfa, lentils, beans, chickpeas, apples, pears, carrots, fennel, onion, garlic and a few others are phytoestrogens, which means they are weak plant sources of oestrogen.

They can be used to balance your hormones so they adapt to what your body needs. Read my blog Foods that fix your menopause hormones for more.

Avocados are chock-full of nutritious goodies, including libido-boosting potassium and folic acid, which helps with stamina.

Broccoli is really high in vitamin C (really!), which boosts circulation and is associated with increased female libido.

Eggs are one of nature’s superfoods, bursting with B vitamins, including B6, which helps balance hormones and fight stress. Both are important for getting you in the mood.

Watermelon contains lycopene, citrulline and beta-carotene, which relax blood vessels, causing a Viagra-like effect.

Zinc – women who have a high sex drive often have higher levels of the ‘male’ hormone testosterone. Zinc has been shown to boost libido because it blocks an enzyme that converts testosterone to the ‘female’ hormone oestrogen. Diet fix: have a small handful of pumpkin seeds every day as a snack, or sprinkled onto salads or yoghurt.

Maca – a marvelous root from South America that has been used by women for centuries to boost libido as well as fertility thanks to its high iodine and zinc levels. Its effectiveness has also been demonstrated in a number of clinical trials. Research into maca has also found it to be helpful in combatting some other symptoms associated with the menopause transition, including increasing vaginal lubrication, reducing hot flushes and boosting mood. Maca can be taken in capsule form as a supplement, but is also available as a powder, which you can add cereal, soup, yoghurt or (my favourite) a smoothie.

Want to try a good hormone-balancing smoothie recipe?

Sex drive-boosting smoothie with maca

300ml unsweetened almond milk (I’m a fan of Plenish – you can find it in the supermarket, too)

1 scoop vanilla protein powder (I love Clean Lean Protein from Nuzest)

2 tbsp almond butter

2 tbsp ground flaxseed

1 - 2 tsp maca powder

½ tsp ground cinnamon

2 dates, pitted (ideally choose medjool dates)

A couple of ice cubes

MAKE IT

Add all the ingredients to your blender and whizz until smooth.

Different types of phytoestrogens

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